Losing virginity before marriage - Heaven or Hell? - Instablogs
Losing virginity before marriage - Heaven or Hell?
Kewl Saloni , delhi: May 27 2008
Made Popular May 28 2008

Losing virginity before marriage - Heaven or Hell?
Gimme More!
A well known, but a really overlooked and neglected issue this is. We fall in Love, taste the pleasures of touching different sex, and then, it becomes almost impossible to say no to the real pleasure of experiencing the thing called ‘sex’. And so young kids of the age of 15-16, lose their virginity, without even physically prepared enough to handle the consequences.

There is nothing wrong in gaining pleasure out of nature’s such beautiful thing-which is also, actually, ‘meant to be done.’ But then, what is the fear? Why is it a sin in all the existing religious texts till today? The reason is that all pleasures in this world are to be taken in a limited quantity and in a way not harmful to one’s self. I mean, if each-n–every boy or girl of this world started having sex with all the other known boy/gal, right since the age of 15/16, nobody would be interested in marriages, or commitment, and then, not a single human would take over the responsibility of bringing up kids or carrying a family. Abortions would be a normal day-to-day activity and loads of children would be left orphan.

Even if we look at it on individual basis - 80% of girls who lost their virginity early would agree that they haven’t done any good. They have in turn hurt themselves.

A woman having the responsibility to carry a child in her womb, has to go through much more pain (and bleeding) than a man who just goes through a bit of oooh-ouch!
And the case gets worse if by-chance you get pregnant(ofcourse! even after all those condoms), because once pregnant, its really hard to handle the abortions after one-month, and believe me you’re going to see a hell if you’re below 18!

Here are some of the points kept by women who lost virginity early in their life, explaining as to why not lose your virginity before marriage.

1) “Its so good to give yourself completely to the person you marry and make having sex a great experience. I regret not having that opportunity.”
2) “Its not a surety that the person you are losing virginity to will not leave you- and when he does, it becomes emotionally unbearable!”
3) “Even if you don’t know how to do the thing, you on’t worry about what you’re missing on if you truly love the person”.
4) “Marriage isnt just about sex... its just one of the benefits.”
5) “Taking pregnancy pills and aborting even a two-month child is a strict no-no for young girls below 18. Its medically not advisable.”
6) “I am not sure if I will still enjoy the same fun with my husband after 20 years becos I am already used to doing it all and would be sick of it in some-time.”

But there can be some points taken as benefits as when you are an experienced rider, there are less chances of accidents and moreover, you concentrate on enjoying the drive rather than how to drive.

So, what is important? Enjoyment with a hell lot of risk or the enjoyment after a safe-sound period of time. Everything, in this world, if done at the right time, gives the best results. If you try to learn the maths of 10th level at the age of studying tables, you would surely go insane.(Not much of a harm!)
At the end, Even if a million people say that a wrong thing is right, it still remains wrong.

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5 Stars
Anwesha
Calcutta, India
Losing one’s virginity before marriage seems to be no big deal for the present generation. for youngsters today, sex is a mode of enjoying life, of having fun. what they dont realize is that sexual r’ship involves emotions, and I am not talking only about love. It can make or break u as a person. for me, sex before marriage is acceptable, but ONLY if both partners are emotionally and physically mature and ready for the commitment, and necessarily looks upon it as ’love-making’ rather than ’sex’. however, since ’safe epriods’ vary in definition and the correct usage of pills may be unknown, i dont see any reason why a couple cant wait till they get married. it’d be ’traditionally proper’ and also rule out any possibility of accident and consequent humiliation.
5 Stars
Justin
Baton Rouge, United States
What is this shit whit loosing "Virginity" and then relating it to heaven and hell? you have one life enjoy it, and use a condom and nothing bad will happen.
3 Stars
Mike
Columbus, United States
I think it's stupid for men to want virgins, it's not a sacred thing that you must have one. and we won't talk about another religion that goes to heaven for virgins...Religion promotes virgins like they are awards, medals, something to win... but in fact its a bit stupid to be holy and then say "hey" i want a virgin what's the big deal someone enlighten me please.
2 Stars
Lalit
Kanpur, India
Actually not having sex before marriage don't make them holier or more moral? Virginity shows discipline if the person knowingly abstains from sex and only does so to not trivialize the action. I'm not talking about forced virgins but virgins by choice. To me, that easily makes a person better. Is it realistic? NO. But still, you can't say it doesn't make them better then someone who has no control over their inhibitions.
2 Stars
Milind
Thiruvananthapuram, India
the issue discussed here is related to the religion and self conscience. IF we keep aside the religion, there remains nothing that says loosing virginity before the right time is amoral. hence, the issue will have different implications for those who believe in religion and those who don't.
2 Stars
Modernity has encroached upon a value system that had evolved over a long period of time.

Growing youth power is out to experiment, for better or worse.

Its not the question of virginity or losing virginity, the result is that fewer stable relationships are crystallizing.

The morning after, all the promises of love made are thrashed.

Moral policing or talks about morality are passe, but we cannot abandon the young to whatever they temporarily find indulgence in.
1 Stars
this topic really doesn’t need to be discussed in a public forum. Why? Simply because to be a virgin or to not be a virgin before marrying someone is a matter of personal choice. And the stuff going to hell and heaven. That’s even more confounding!
4 Stars
Bijoy
tinsukia, India
I think we are getting off the hook and forgot what the headline of the news piece says... is it HELL OR HEAVEN? thats the issue... It doesnt speak whether it is RIGHT or WRONG ......My personal opinion would be the dirt lies in the mind... So if the duo are ’clear in mind’ obviously they can hope for heavenly happiness and if they aren’t, Need i say it anymore?????
3 Stars
Milind
Thiruvananthapuram, India
@ Bijoy Jayaprashanth

See the hell or the heaven is determined on the basis of the society you are living in. You are expressing your views freely only because you are born in free society. Sex in the western world does not make a huge difference and virginity myth has lost the battleground.. However, in other societies like Islam or in Mideast world, it matters a lot even when it's for the fairer sex only. this is an intricate issue and therefore couldn't be discussed everywhere with the same vigor.
3 Stars
Heaven or hell, I’d say neither! It’s completely an individual’s prerogative that fallen prey to much moral science lessons and media manipulations. These 2 conflicting ideologies have left adolescents highly confused about what they want, the importance of sex education should be asserted rather than a note on to dos and not to dos!
3 Stars
Yash
Bhopal, India
Virginity is not dignity it is just the lack of opportunity.
3 Stars
’Losing Virginity’ before marriage is just like ”HELL” it cann’t be ”HEAVEN”. We copy only Western Culture in this sense and take momemntry pleassure but after that we feel guilty in ourselves. In our society there is a lot of difference between practical & theory.Males are always..... but females are never allowed.In our society LOSING VIRGINITY BEFORE MAARIAGE will never be acceptable with broad mind..
3 Stars
Sanwali
Shimla, India
OK Saloni! I think u r confused. Do u wanna say that to lose virginity before marriage is not correct or to lose it at a young age? What if anyone gets married at the age of say 35 and has lost the virginity at 30? I think its pretty fair.

Whatever! I think to be a virgin or not be is one’s personal choice. As far as the pregnancies are concerned, plz refer to Justins’s comment.

@Justin.
Hey Justin! Cool comment man. I like it.
2 Stars
@sanyogita verma
I really don’t why anybody would feel guilty about losing their virginity. It sounds really funny. Although I do agree that the Indian society by and large is very hypocrytic, but the end of the day isn’t it up to us to break the hypocrisy and get on with it?
2 Stars
@milind
That’s precisely what i said mate. At the end of the day it’s up to that particular person rather than the so called society. BTW, though losing virginity is taboo in a few parts of the world, at the end of the day, there are plenty of people who lose their virginity before marriage in the so-called conservative parts of the world too. So it’s not as big a deal as a few people in this forum are making it to be.
1 Stars
Kewl Saloni
delhi, India
Ohhk! So people, firstly it isnt about being good or bad when you lose virginity before marriage, it is bout the consequences one faces emotionally, and physically, especially the girl.It obviously , does, depends on an individual, but at an early stage ,kids just jump into the pool, following the trend, without having an idea whats following them...(emotionally)

@ Sanwali- I agre to your example, thats a different case altogether, but normally, people in our country, do marry at considerable 25-26.
2 Stars
Kewl Saloni
delhi, India
And the headline, to clarify, talks about heaven or hell, here on earth, not after dath or something.. And its not bout that particular moment (obviously, one njoys that) , its about the experience one takes in their heart throughout the life.And as far as the society is concerbned, if everyone is allowed a free sex, there wont be any human-part left nywere in the world, and nobody would marry, coz thats a responsibility. In advanced country’s too- there are restrictions to a point, and were there are not, people are going through wmotional problems, and then you’ave nobody to rely upon.
1 Stars
I dont know what to say about all this virginity thing.
Anyway, here in Zambia, that is a topical issues as well.
However, many youhts have lost their virginity as I write this piece, largely because of experimenting and peer pressure.
Virginity was a sacred thing in the past but now, finding a virgin is like fishing in the dark. Some youths openly have sex.
It is all about moral decay and personal and societal attitudes.
1 Stars
Bijoy
tinsukia, India
@Kewl Saloni .... just to clarify... As i write this message I do know that i am on a planet called EARTH.... in the same breath I too know that when u point a finger to someone, always remember , three fingers face you ! And yeah, I can only say yet again the same thing ... the DIRT...I am not insane to relate death with hell and losing virginity with heaven . No offense meant and no hard feelings plz !!!
1 Stars
Bijoy
tinsukia, India
@ Milind .... Dude, You are talking on a platform where you would rarely find anyone who would like to keep it a hush-hush affair. And what stops you huh? If u dint know about the societies you are talking of, lemme inform u that the highest rate of infidelity and ’behind-close-door’ sexual encounters prevail in these very society. You desperately need to do some home work to deny my statement.... I am not in a hurry... why don’t u do a Google search??
1 Stars
Mayuri Majumdar
Kolkata, India
We need to accept the fact that things are changing with a rapid speed. I know some of my friends who do not consider sex to be an important issue. Its about being informed. Of course, loose morals are something which aren’t to be discussed under this topic since that is a different story altogether. But, having pre-marital sex, is absolutely is a personal choice and decision.
1 Stars
I agree with Mayuri, losing morality and losing virginity are different issues. Someone chooses to be intimate with his or her partner depending on their understanding and their morality has nothing to do with it. We imitate the west on all counts so where is the problem in accepting the fact that virginity is no more a sacred bliss.
1 Stars
Deepa
mumbai, India
Losing virginity before marriage isn’t an unusual fact these days.....even in countries like India. When you are ready for sex and also for marriage are two totally different aspects. But whts IMP is to fall in to a physical relationship only after your body and mind is matured enough to understand the happening. its the age....that matters. Barely in teens, I feel isn’t the right age. Here again it’s a personal opinion.
1 Stars
I’ll take it as a personal opinion Deepa but the problem is the fact that the teens are the ones who have portended this vibe. It is they who are crazy to get involved into a physical relationship without caring about their age. The exuberance of youth isn’t evident on play-fields or debate rooms anymore, it is now restricted to bed rooms.
1 Stars
Leena
Kolkata, India
At the age of 15/16 nature endows one with the physical infrastucture to have sex...and mental maturity at that age is an individualistic affair. So on the whole agreeing with many of the others I would say, the experience is a matter of personal choice. How they carry forward the effects and the impact depends on the maturity of the couple, and their commitment towards each other.

Virginity is a matter of dignity and not a matter of opportunity for people in many Indian households where such values are given high priority…but then again value systems to differ
1 Stars
Deepa
mumbai, India
You are correct Atul, young guys and gals are falling a victim to this lust out of sheer anxiety and probably the desire to feel ‘grown up’ too. Not realizing that some where down the line its gonna affect them adversely….mentally and or physically. However nothing can stop this drift as its totally personal choice.
1 Stars
Yeah when it is not a culmination of peer pressure or anything other than a genuine want of being ready emotionally as well as physically, it shd not be looked down upon!
1 Stars
Yeah when it is not a culmination of peer pressure or anything other than a genuine want of being ready emotionally as well as physically, it shd not be looked down upon!
1 Stars
Mayuri Majumdar
Kolkata, India
Having sex or not is a very very very personal matter. So, why are we bothered at all if someone is losing her virginity before or after marriage. I would really ask if the men actually considered even an issue. I guess not. So, I guess girls really should shed their conservative thoughts-if there are any. Ofcourse, there is a moral ground attached to every decision regarding sex.
1 Stars
Anaeline T
NYC, United States
Different countries - different customs.

It ought to be a hell if your next boyfriend is a good friend of your first go.
1 Stars
Suk Yun Chen
Jakarta, Indonesia
I interest about this Topic because right now I am in the confusing about a loss of virginity. I am 34 years old woman and still virgin. I am also from a good and conventional family and I also have a religion. Initially, I agree that we should keep our virginity until getting married but the problem for me is I cannot getting married with my boyfriend. I will be very glad if I can get married very soon. But the problem is my boyfriend’s family can not accept me. We really love each other and we have been in relationship for more than 5 years and it makes me very frustrated. I want to be a good girl, having sex after married but for the time being it seems like impossible. Actually I am thinking to give my virginity to my boyfriend although I will marry him or not. But I am afraid of the unpredictable consequences that may happen. Any comment, advice or opinion for me?

Thank you so much.
1 Stars
Rajagopalan S
Bangalore, Karnataka, India
The intense emotions you and your boyfriend are experiencing are universal for all people in love. Right now, you have excitement and intense feelings for your boyfriend. These feelings and bodily sensations are so intense at times that you think of little else. This is how you found yourself having sex and losing your virginity; The consequences may be regretting later whether you did the right thing in your life for the right person, fear of pregnancy, fear of your parental or societal reactions. If you are ready to face these, the decision is yours to go or not to go for it!
1 Stars
Mercy
Gensan, Philippines
So you are a typical old maid. But you have a boyfriend of 5 years, quite a long year to have a relationship to realize that it might be you are not for each other. But, i salute you to remain a virgin until now with your age and a boyfriend of 5 years. You are rare. But, with your feelings right now,confused, it is an indication or something like a warning for you not to continue with your plan. But if you want to take the risk, just be ready with the consequences in the future. Still, attitude matters a lot in facing a situation.....C”)
1 Stars
Zahid Saeed faport.com
Sialkot, Pakistan
Losing Virginity is not a big matter in this world it has to be waist either you are ready or not if you are not ready it will loose automaticaly in your dreams so the issue is loosing it before marriage is not fair it could be harmfull for a couple in the age of 15 and 16
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